numbers scare me

So ho ho. Back from Marshall, to Lincoln. I used to be sad when I got back - but I think I've really gotten used to living out in BFE... I shouldn't call it that, it makes it sound like I live in a log cabin without heating or cooling (which I've done) My grandparents actually have a very nice home, much nicer than any I've ever had. Also, Beck is in my computer here, and I miss her when I'm away.

I'm conflicted because of a friendship dilemma that I don't know how to solve. Or if I should try. Because I feel like I'd only be in the way if I did, and I don't want to be in the way. Also, because I'm tired of feeling bad, and I need to be changing my life.

That was vague, eh? Sorry. I'm paranoid. Feel like everybody I know is reading this (sooo not true) and I do freak out a little bit about all the personal info put out on the internet. Not like I think someone will steal my identity or anything - who would want to? But like people I don't even know may know me better than I'd like them too. I suppose that's silly.

Algebra today was easy, only because I accidently worked ahead for FOUR FUCKING HOURS this weekend, thinking I had homework I didn't - freaking out because I didn't understand it. Well, low and behold now I do understand. I think. I'm mathematically dyslexic.

Random Facts

Because I couldn't think of much to talk about - I thought I'd try out the random facts idea. We'll go with 25 - that should be enough to bore both of us.

1. I lived in Portland, OR for 6 months.

2. When I was 8 months old I tried to eat a cricket.

3. I have one tattoo of my astrological symbol on my shoulder. My cousin, an aspiring tattoo artist - gave it to me.

4. I have a guitar that my ex game me for our last christmas together. I've wanted one my whole life, so it kinda sucks that it's from him. Then again, maybe it's alright.

5. I love to write and even more than that I love to read.

6. When I was a little kid I thought it was fun to lay down and let my dog lick me all over.

7. My favorite smells are lilac, patchouli, hyacynth, honeysuckle, and the mountain air.

8. I've read the entire Little House on the Prairie WAY more than anyone should. Then again, I don't see why they shouldn't.

9. I love hot tea, especially mint flavored.

10. Sometimes when I'm alone I dance around like an idiot.

11. I love to sing and my favorite song to sing is You Don't Bring Me Flowers

12. Someday I want to live on a ranch or a house in the mountains and have LOTS of kids and animals.

13. I cry VERY easily. Commercials make me cry sometimes. I could probably cry on command.

14. I love to fish, and I don't mind handling the worms or the fish - in fact, I like it.

15. I feel more at home in the water than I do anywhere else.

17. I have an unnatural obsession for Josh Holloway. At the moment anyway, a few months ago it was Christian Bale. ( I thought people grew out of crushes??)

18. I can sing the entire score from A Little Mermaid.

19. I dream about being in a band, often.

20. When I like a movie, I watch it over and over and over - and then I watch all the special features. (not in one sitting, no)

21. I smoke, but not a lot. I smoke a pack a week MAYBE - Marlboro Ultra Lights. Also...

22. All I really want is to find someone who loves me.

23. I love dogs. I used to have 3 corgis and one corgle (corgi+beagle) Dewey died and I had to leave Lily and Rocky in Oregon.

24. My sister is my role model.

25. I've learned that growing up is hard, and I'm not very good at it.

First Official Post

So. First official post. I'm a little nervous! I've been writing a little more than I had been - thanks to a Creative Writing course I'm taking online.

Where does one begin? I've had a ... life. I don't even know how to describe it. I grew up in a small town, I live in a small town still. I love to read, I love all animals. I love to be with my friends and I couldn't live without music. I play the piano by ear and I'd love to learn how to play the guitar.

I suffer from PTSD and Depression. It's important for me to include that because it's such a big part of who I am. I hate that, but I can't avoid it anymore. Avoiding it only makes things worse.

I'm a survivor of an abusive relationship.

I'm looking for love in all the wrong places - but I'm hoping that sometime soon someone will stumble along beside me and we'll find each other.

I have a lot of hope, I love to laugh.